Undressing Mr. Neruda

Mr. Neruda is a simple man
he likes a glass of whiskey before he goes to bed
enjoys a red wine in the afternoon
and prefers to work and attend meetings in the morning.
Mr. Neruda does not enjoy being called at 1am to go clubbing
you must reserve him at least two days before hand.
If he is staring off into the distance with a pair of headphones in his ears
please ignore him, and do not ask whats wrong
because at that moment its you

When approaching Mr. Neruda to review your term paper
please do understand, that no matter how good it is
its bad.
Mr. Neruda does not do nice things unless he gets to laugh at you while doing it.
Do not ask him about your boyfriend or girlfriend's troubles,
you are most likely wrong, and if you are not wrong, then your lover is seriously disturbed.
Mr. Neruda does not deal in specifics, because the world is abstract.
He loves religion, but hates religious people.
He purchases expensive whiskey and drowns it in coke,
because he's just that uncultured.
Assuredly woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, as well as yesterday... and most likely tomorrow.
Mr. Neruda loves you as well, but will most likely give you the impression that he detests you.
He puts cigarettes out halfway through and smokes them later
because he likes to pretend he can afford cigars
He is ambiguous to politics, and if you are not, you are bloody wrong.
Why is Mr. Neruda telling you all this?
Because its almost bed time and he is enjoying his whiskey.